A day in the life of....

Tis the season to be jolly apparently. Except if you are Christmas shopping in my local shopping centre, Macarthur Square. We were doing our usual last minute shopping yesterday when my wife asked me if I could pop over to the McDonalds in the busy food court for a frozen coke, to help her feel refresheir and a snack for the kids in the form of cookies. No worries. 'I'll get a pick-me-up black coffee while I'm at it' I thought. Easy done, and then we'd go back to frantic shopping a little more refreshed.

So, after waiting in line for fair bit longer than I expected (about 20-25 minutes), a stocky, teenage boy with squinty, cheeky eyes and a swagger walked out from behind the McDonalds counter, pushing the side gate open with a confident thud. He had obviously just finished work as, instead of a McDonalds uniform, he wore a shirt with the words 'I'm mean because you're stupid' printed in big letters on the front. A friend caught his eye, ahead two places in line in front of me. He wandered over and greeted him by calling him a nasty swear word and giving him the typical hybrid homey high-five/handshake. So they were were just talking. No worries. I continued to wait my turn, eyes wandering and mind elsewhere.

It came to be their turned to be served. Squinty went first and ordered a meal- effectively meaning he had pushed in. Noone likes being pushed in on. I'm usually happy to take a fall to keep the peace but this instance was different. A treasured social convention was being tread upon! 'Someone must speak up against this travesty!'

I tapped a 40-something lady on the shoulder in front of me and asked whether she noticed what I had noticed, in a volume loud enough to be heard by her and perhaps our immediate neighbours. She answered in a volume where everybody would hear, in a feisty aussie kath and kim-esque tone, expressing her open disgust to me without actually confronting Squinty. So, as I fueled the irate lady's fire (which was also obviously exasperated by Christmas shopping and the long wait in line), I decided to get the attention of Squinty who may or may not have noticed my colleague's uproar and simply asked him why he thought it was okay to do what he did. I didn't ask him to leave the line. I didn't yell, I just calmly asked for an explanation. He squirmed a little, losing his bravado, and simply said 'um sorry'; he did seem like he wasn't used to be called to account like this and he knew immediately he had done the wrong thing. We told him we would be letting the manager know. He took his paper bag and cup and left, eyes down.

We managed to get the attention of the blue-shirted manager who chuckled and said he'd "have a word to him". Yeah right. They then stuffed up the order of the lady in front of me several times. She just about had steam coming of her ears by now. When it was my turn, I was greeted (kind of) by a teenage girl with dark circles under her eyes, a blank stare and a slightly monotonic voice. Then it got even more fun....

let me continue....

(after brushing off the previous annoyance).

Me- May I have a box of cookies please

McCheckout Chick- No, we don't have any.

Me- Hmm okay, let me think about that, can I have a frozen coke then?

McCheckout Chick- No we can't do that. All out.

Me- (trying to hide a bemused smirk) Um......hmmmm.... no frozen coke..... my wife sent me especially for that... (remember I'd been in the line a long time and my family were waiting for me.)
Um.... ok can i just have an ordinary Coke then?

McCheckout Chick- No we don't have Coke, we're all out of it.

Me- Well gee I'm running out of options here...

McCheckout Chick- Yep

Me- Well okay before I get to that can I at least have a coffee?

McCheckout Chick- (Turns around and looks at machine and turns back again) No, sorry. (said without much hint of regret)

Me- No?

McCheckout chick- No

I found it hard to hide my wry smile and laughter as I lent on the counter and looked around for allies in the queue as if to say "Are you seeing this?". Something in me wanted to see people shaking their heads and tut-tutting in superior disapproval.

Me- *Using my obviously superior powers of observation* I can see on the machine that black coffee is lit up. That was what I was after. Can I have a long black coffee?

McCheckout Chick- (Turns around again and turns back) Yeah you can, we just don't have milk in the machine.

Me- Oh good! That'd be great! I'll have a long black with 2 sugars thanks.

The fact that I wouldn't have got even that unless I had inquired merely fuelled my pride. I stood tall and kind of felt sorry for them all.

By now we'd gotten the attention of some sort of assistant manager who was obviously drawn by the "I'm still waiting on my complaint form" comment intermittently squawked by the lady who had been served before me.

I had managed to negotiate a large chips as well when all of a sudden all of the missing items began to appear before me, like magic, offered by the hand of the assistant manager. A frozen Coke! Not one but TWO boxes of cookies! And my boiling hot black coffee which I was not going to be charged for. I also got a given a quarter pounder by the lady who didn't order it but was given it anyway.

By now the justifiably irate lady had gotten her complaint form.

Well no, not exactly a complaint form. More like a blank envelope to write on. Not to send, but obviously because they didn't have any other paper to write on (and probably because it was going to be put in the bin as soon as it was handed in and she was out of sight).

I gathered my food and kind of waited to see what was going to happen with the form, whether I was going to write on it too. I didn't want to hold up any more of my fellow comrades of war.
The call came 'next please' and the next customer promptly asked for a coke. He then turned to me upon his answer and said 'geez, McDonalds without coke?" Where was he the last 5 minutes? I went to move my items out of the way as I was handed my chips, still thinking about how and if there was any point to complaining and remembering my wife, my 3 year old and 1 year old would all be waiting for me. I began to make my move feeling all high and mighty about having to be in the presence of this shambolic establishment.

Then....

I can't remember exactly how or why it happened....

Maybe the lid wasn't on properly? Maybe it was too darn hot? Maybe I was just being clumsy?

I dropped my boiling hot coffee on to the floor, right into the middle of the crowded McDonalds queue. It splashed everywhere- but mainly on to the shoes and stockings of a smartly-dressed seemingly genteel 20-something lady. She inhaled deeply and surveyed herself, trying to somehow make it stop by looking at it. "It's hot", she said timidly and brokenly a few times, standing on her tippy toes. "It's.....it's....really really hot", she said a more firmly and in a panic as, I'm guessing, the boiling coffee seeped through her black high heeled shoes.

Then, she ran (after standing in line for a long time mind you).

She just took off, clip-clopping in her high heels through busy Macarthur Square Food court as I stood there shoulders hunched up, face wincing, and palms raised- repeatedly, and uselessly, blurting out "I'm so sorry!".

So there I was, with my free, peacepipe, we-were-wrong-and-you-were-right black coffee all over the floor, surrounded by a bunch of people with probably a gamut of opinions to offer about the whole thing. One or two shared them.

One bloke comforted me by insulting the lady I had just scolded.

"It wasn't even that hot. pfft what a ...."

Another lady comforted me by saying

"One of those days hey?"

I'm pretty sure a few people had some nastier things to say about me to their observing neighbours, just so I couldn't quite hear them clearly.

So what was I to do now? Do I go after the lady and make sure she's alright? I'd be a bum if I didn't, right? Do I clean the mess, which the employees obviously would have trouble doing.... being overrun by impatient customers like me? I'd be even more of a hassle to the poor struggling shop then right? Or do I just try and think of a clever one-liner to help ease my embarrassment and arouse a light-hearted sympathy and/or empathy?

The consensus seemed to be 'just go man'.

So I did, tail between my legs.

I went from 'Captain Justice', here to save the world from fast food incompetence- a picture of togetherness crying out in the wilderness in a world of selfishness and suffering- to a bumbling misfit, who burns nice young ladies who are just minding their own business.

I walked and found my family waiting for me, luckily out of the line of sight of the dreaded shopfront.

"What happened?", asked my wife, who had expected me gone for only 5 minutes.

I took a sip of my remaining, free, cold black coffee out of my stirophome cup which I had deciding to pick up of the floor and keep with me- recognizing the rich metaphor I held in my hand. I took a second, ruing the lack of rocks to crawl under in Macarthur Square Food Court. I recounted the story and ate the quarter pounder given to me by irate lady, feeling guilt with every bite and regularly dripping sauce on the table.

Later, we needed to have dinner and Issy asked for chips and nuggets.

We went to Red Rooster. It was an uneventful transaction.